I just brought in his coat and boots from my car. The orange plastic bag with assorted pills, books and picture that stayed in his hand or at this bedside came in too.
My dad's been gone nearly a month, and I only touched them again just now because of necessity in bringing back a load from the Richmond apt. I would have happily driven them around with me forever. I would have happily driven HIM around with me forever.
It snowed so much right after he left. I knew it was the earth helping to slow the pace of life for our family. Today is drizzly, and feel like the heavens are sobbing along side me. All of the emotions at the surface are as fresh as the morning it happened.
I've wanted to write for so long to help process my thoughts. But no words will come. I'm not in denial, but I can't even bear the thought of sitting down to begin something because it makes it even more real.
While in my sweats and under the electric blanket last week, at a time long past when the productive population left their homes for work, I caught the episode of West Wing when Leo dies on Bravo. CJ's quote summed up my feelings perfectly. "Everyone keeps thinking I have something to say, and I really don't."
Monday, February 22, 2010
Cry Me a River
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4 comments:
I love you! I wish I was there, snuggled under the blanket you. And I think this post says plenty.
You are wonderful:) Perhaps you don't necessarily have to do a post on it esp. if you're not ready to. I agree with the other comment ... this post says plenty.
Love ya!
you are a wonderful beautiful and the house full of red heads loves you.
Missy, this is heartwrenching. I wish, somehow, I could have been able to lessen some of the pain you went through on this journey, or at least have been there to give you lots of hugs. You were an amazing steadfast & brave soldier for your Dad, in his time of need. What you wrote here is so beautifully expressive in its rawness, honesty, simplicity, and directness. You spoke volumes, in just a few sentences, so don't pressure yourself to write more, if you don't feel ready.
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