I'd like your opinion - I'm genuinely confused on whether this is a fault of mine or a legitimate gripe.
I have a hard time asking for help. I tend to run myself into the ground rather than ask for help. (I know this part is a fault)
BUT - It seems in the last few months, there have been several times I've tried to take a few folks up on offers for help, and they are either too busy or don't follow through. This leaves me feeling validated in not asking for help. I am but one person in the throng that is their life, and, at the end of the day, they have too much on their plate.
Now, a couple of these times I might consider my fault because I waited too long and then asked on too short of a notice. Understandable. But for a couple others, it's been over a month, and my need hasn't been met.
I don't think it's fair to anyone I ask for help to explain that I only ask if my very livlihood depends on it. It seems too much pressure to put on someone. BUT - let it be known, that I don't ask for help... nearly ever. And, if I am, it's because I REALLY need it. I'm probably a lot more stressed, worried and drowning than I let on.
So, readership, (however small you may be since I've been lax in posting) is this my fault or a legitimate frustration? How do you handle asking for help, and are you successful?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Fault or Frustration?
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3 comments:
I am like you in that I don't ask for help, unless I need it for survival. I have gotten more help since I had this last baby--and only because a friend's husband called someone higher up the food chain and got things moving. If that hadn't happened I probably wouldn't have gotten the help I needed. So don't think it is your fault in anyway. And know that I will always help you in any way I can--wish I didn't live across the nation.
It is perhaps a fault to wait so long to ask, but it is definitely a worthy frustration to ask and not get the help you needed. My advice would be to keep asking (different people that you trust) until you DO get that help. Hang in there!
I know what you are saying! You explained the issue really well, and I'm totally with you. It's hard to ask for help when we're used to just getting things done on our own. But yes, on the off chance you genuinely need help, how frustrating it would be to not get it when you need it most. I've wondered when people say, "Please let me know if you ever need anything" if they may not be able to follow through on their offers due to overbooking themselves, but have good intentions. A good rule of thumb is to never go back on promising to help someone, because they are depending on you. You just never know how much they need your help. And follow up with them to say, "Hey, you mentioned needing help with xyz, how is that going?" On the flip side, of someone was suddenly not able to make good on an offer to help, I'd try to help find a replacement person. But people really do need to take note of someone who mentions or asks for help. It means they honestly need it, and aren't just making light conversation!
Perhaps you could ask for very specific help, with enough notice. For instance, preface it by saying "I usually can do xyz on my own, but I really need help with moving this large dresser because it's just not something I can do solo. Is there a time this week that you could stop by to help me? I'll work with your schedule."
Something like that perhaps. I don't know specifics on this situation but wonder if people just forget and assume you found help. We all really need to be better to each other with this aspect in life!
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