In Tune

I can think of no way to say this other than for the first time in a LONG time, I feel like the universe and I are in sync. I've had my share of career adventures and variety. I don't regret any. But, now that I've made steps to follow what my heart was telling me in November - nursing - the confirmation is stronger by the moment. This is the right path.

Orientation for the CNA program was this afternoon. I've never been so excited to meet my textbook. Classes start Monday, and it's a condensed 3 week program. I've done the homework for Monday already and will work on Tues. and Wed. tomorrow. I don't plan to made CNA my career. It's a step on the ladder. As I read through the text and think about the patients and residents ahead, it becomes a more calming, warm and fuzzy step by the minute.

Today

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

You've heard it before, right? Not like I just did.

When Dad was admitted into the VA hospital in early January to finally get his surgery done, he was so upbeat. He was estatic to have a date set and an end to his hemotoma, Ralph (we had named him) in sight.

On the spartan industrial walls of unit 2F (surgical wing) that he was in awaiting surgery there were white dry erase boards with permanent marker sketching out:

Room #:

Today is:

Your RN is:

Your CNA is:

Anticipated discharge date:

I believe these are called Patient Communications Boards in the private sector. Heck, they could have been called that at the VA as well, except for the little fact that no one ever wrote anything on them. Day after day would go by with no updates. Zero communication.

I never saw any patients question it, but I always felt that if it were me sitting in one of those hospital beds, I would feel an ever greater sense of loss of time and normality to have it continually in front of my face.... blank date, blank discharge date, etc.

One day before Dad's surgery, he lept out of his bed with agility and energy we hadn't seen from him in a few months. He walked over to the blank board on his half of the room and filled in:

Today is: "the first day of the rest of your life."

Days and weeks after Dad had left that room, the words remained. I guess since no one thought to write on them, no one thought to erase them either. I would see them from the hallway, though, as I would walk past heading to or from another of his rooms. In fact, the one day I got to get him out in a wheelchair for a bit, I wheeled him past it on the way back, so he could see it again.

Until tonight, I had totally forgotten about that. Much of the last month, for me, has been reliving in my mind the hard parts of the hospital visit. The sad times. The pitfalls. Even more annoying than having them play over and over, is that I'm generally an optimist and Dad gave me 33 whole years of good stuff to think about. I really, really, don't want to dwell on the last few weeks. On top of those flashes, real life has been hitting pretty hard too. Not working, debt, moving - it's been nearly more than I can bear. Diems have been Carpe-ing me instead of the other way around.

During my drive to Richmond on Saturday, though, I had little thoughts running through my head of little ways to progress, small things I could do to begin digging out from this hole, prayers being answered. Now that it's a few days past that, and I've acted on them, I actually feel pretty good.

A few moments ago, I began preparing for bed. As the thoughts of what I had done today and what was ahead tomorrow passed, I could almost hear Dad's voice clearly say, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

Thanks, Pa.

A Give Away! - To Celebrate 1 Week of Cereal

I've got a Give Away on my Cereal Blog - Visit to enter.

http://30daysofcereal.blogspot.com/2010/02/give-away-to-celebrate-1-week-of-cereal.html

Cry Me a River

I just brought in his coat and boots from my car. The orange plastic bag with assorted pills, books and picture that stayed in his hand or at this bedside came in too.

My dad's been gone nearly a month, and I only touched them again just now because of necessity in bringing back a load from the Richmond apt. I would have happily driven them around with me forever. I would have happily driven HIM around with me forever.

It snowed so much right after he left. I knew it was the earth helping to slow the pace of life for our family. Today is drizzly, and feel like the heavens are sobbing along side me. All of the emotions at the surface are as fresh as the morning it happened.

I've wanted to write for so long to help process my thoughts. But no words will come. I'm not in denial, but I can't even bear the thought of sitting down to begin something because it makes it even more real.

While in my sweats and under the electric blanket last week, at a time long past when the productive population left their homes for work, I caught the episode of West Wing when Leo dies on Bravo. CJ's quote summed up my feelings perfectly. "Everyone keeps thinking I have something to say, and I really don't."

For Crying Out Loud!

Can married men please wear wedding rings?


Men, please understand that this request in no way implies I believe that you are unable to keep your marital vows without a band of gold on your left hand. I trust you. I trust your wife.

The shtick I have is being a single woman who respects and values marriage. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is for me to meet one of you who is mildly attractive, easy to talk to and in possession of a bare left hand? I might think to myself, "Eh? Not bad. We should talk more often," or maybe even, "I think I'd like to try a dinner with this guy." You probably have no clue those thoughts ever flittered through my mind due to my horrid flirting skills, but they're there.

And then I find out though some other means that you are married, and I feel like the "pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum". I would never have thought those things about someone who is married. Even if it's Tiger Woods. I don't tread on the sanctity of marriage. But, in my mind... I just did. If you had been wearing a ring, you would have spared me this guilt.

Put it on. If you don't do it for your wife or for yourself, please... do it for me.

It's Official - 30 Days of Cereal

Check out my new endeavor. Bookmark it. Visit it. Comment on it. :-)

Do I Dare?

Due to needing to get serious about eating well and returning to my healthy weight (now that the campaign lifestyle is long gone), I've been doing some thinking. And, now... the stars seem to be aligning. I have an idea, and I'd like your input.

My sweet cousin, Angie, sent a box of 70 sample boxes of Whole Grain Total to my dad when he was in the hospital. Today, and additional box of 150 samples of Fiber One arrived. What to do with all this cereal....?

Here's what I'm thinking. Super Size Me!! For 30 days, I would eat one of these high fiber cereals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Although I'm currently planning on just a bowl with either skim milk or soymilk, I reserve the right to use the cereal in other recipes, if the preservation of my sanity demands it. Since this would satisfy my carb and dairy suggestions for each day, I'll use fresh fruits, veggies and proteins for my snacks.

Each day, I'll share how things are going. Thoughts?